Rising Above Self-Doubt: 7 Lessons from a Combat Deployment
Fifteen months ago, I was promoted to a Senior NCO in the Air Force Reserve.
However, the excitement and feelings of accomplishment quickly washed away. We were three weeks out from a deployment to a combat zone and my boss pulled me to the side.
“Congratulations, you’re going to act as shop chief for the deployment”
This was my fourth deployment. Second in a combat zone. And yet, that wasn’t really the problem.
Although I’ve had over fifteen years of operations and leadership experience in the civilian sector and eight years of the same in the military, leading in a deployed combat environment, much less being the one in charge of a whole shop, is very different in several ways from ‘regular life’.
My mind immediately flooded with questions.
- Leading airmen that will be away from their families for months at a time is a different level of empathic leadership. Further, we typically work twelve-hour shift rotations, six days a week for the entire deployment, which takes a mental and physical toll. Could I lead my team, stay empathetic to their needs and their families, all the while focusing on the mission and managing my own emotions and family?
- While we’re typically on a secure base, leading in an environment simply designated as a combat zone, can evoke thoughts of what you’ve seen in the movies or what front line soldiers experience. Especially when ‘combat zone’ is really just a designation, but still depends on ever-changing events. Could I manage the emotions and adrenaline of my team let alone my own?
- As a reservist, I typically serve one weekend a month and two weeks a year. On a good year, I may go on temporary orders and serve more, yet learning your craft on an advanced fighter aircraft, keeping up with competencies and learning how to lead teams can be a lot to cram into such little time. Could I act as a competent resource for my team and other leaders? Did I know my job well enough to run the shop?
- The work tempo and expectations are increased significantly during a deployment. There’s only so many aircraft and our team along with the other teams are responsible for maintaining those aircraft in combat ready condition in order to fulfill higher headquarters taskings and JTAC requests. Could we keep up?
After mulling over these questions for days, I realized that my imposter syndrome had crept up on me and that I was self-handicapping. At a very human and raw level I was subconsciously protecting myself from fear and uncertainty. Continuing in this mindset wouldn’t benefit me, my team, or our mission. Taking all that into account, accepting and understanding the following key points helped me overcome my personal obstacles:
- I realized that my leadership had confidence in me. Even if we don’t have confidence in ourselves, we can often look to others to see what we don’t see, or have trouble seeing, in ourselves. I have worked with my boss for my entire Air Force career, so he knows me and my capabilities well. Maybe even better than I’d like to admit. I also know that he would not put me in a position to fail, yet at the same time he would give me a chance to ‘fail small’, leading to further growth.
- That led me to focus on growth, not perfection. I accepted that the journey to being successful would involve mistakes and setbacks. Excellence starts with trial and error. Avoiding the rocky path and being passive would only delay my growth and not allow me to be fully present for my team.
- I identified my excuses. The questions that I asked in my head were simply that, excuses. We hadn’t even left yet, and I was already questioning my empathic capacity and my experience. The truth of the matter was that I had been doing my job, even if in a limited capacity, for nearly twelve years. I had also just finished a personal growth course that had a focus on empathic ability, so my awareness was higher and fresh.
- Which led me to turn ‘could’ into ‘how’. This simple mindset change primed me to look for solutions rather than dwell on the issues. Changing emotion by taking action and finding solutions is much more effective than ‘willing’ change or trying to positively affirm.
- But remember to ask the right ‘how’ questions. Upon arriving at the deployed location, we noted that our explosives storage was located within twenty feet of our break room and working area. Our uneasiness with that fact was exacerbated when the departing rotation mentioned to us that recently, a missile from a neighboring country had flown right over them and hit a local city. If a missile impacted near us, that’d surely be a bad day, but if a missile impacted near us with explosives nearby, that’d be an even worse day. Instead of asking how to manage the uneasy feelings and accepting the status quo, we instead asked: how can we mitigate the hazard as much as possible? Framing the challenge in this way led us to move our break room and work area to a different location, mitigating a three-year safety hazard not only for us, but for future deployment rotations.
- I stayed committed. Self-handicapping can give you immediate and comforting excuses, but fulfillment really comes from persevering through challenges. Staying dedicated, even when the path gets tough, is the only path to success and growth.
- And that helped me build resilience. Repeatedly exposing myself to the daily challenges helped me become more resilient. Someone who has faced numerous rejections handles future rejection much better than someone that doesn’t face rejection often.
Gratefully, our deployment ended up uneventful in terms of combat at our base. By the end of the deployment, our shop twice earned our squadron’s shop of the month award for excellence. Even more important and better, our team, along with the rest of the squadron ended up contributing to a successful mission for our country and host country.
Despite that, I’d like to tell you that I’m cured from my imposter syndrome.
I’d absolutely love to tell you that I don’t self-handicap anymore.
But I’d be lying.
The raw truth is that the imposter monster still creeps up on me in very covert and sinister ways.
And I still find myself making excuses when I run into obstacles occasionally.
The difference now is that I’m better at the self-awareness aspect and those protection mechanisms are becoming less and less my default.
Embrace risk and uncertainty. Because while you may fail, with that failure comes small, incremental progress.
And that’s growth. That’s success.
#growth #personalgrowth #selfdoubt #success #leadership